My first BBYO meeting was a Zoom murder mystery party. I was in 8th grade, the youngest there, and it felt so special to be doing something with other Jewish teens. After months of COVID isolation, it was a rare experience for me to (virtually) be around other people. Although my first few months of meetings were online, I had fun! It was all new to me, but I felt welcomed, like I had a community. There really aren’t very many Jews where I live, so after my bat mitzvah, when I often felt isolated from the Jewish community, BBYO was a way for me to reconnect.

BBYO (B'nai Brith Youth Organization) is an organization with hundreds of chapters for Jewish teens in dozens of countries. BBYO is also a very gendered organization, with separate BBG chapters for girls and AZA chapters for boys. However, I live in a city with a pretty small Jewish population, and for a while, our BBYO chapter was combined. More recently they split, and our meetings have become more and more gendered as well. Some weeks, the girl's chapter will do one activity while the boys do another. We occasionally combine, but many meetings are just AZAs or just BBGs. 

My BBYO experience hasn’t been perfect, but it’s always been important to me. The insistence on separating the BBG and AZA chapters has been frustrating. The decision was partially made by the current leadership, but we also faced pressure from the regional board to split the chapters. And really, what’s the problem with joint meetings? It isn’t harming anyone—in fact, it makes the community stronger. 

I’ve had the unique experience of being involved in both kinds of BBYO and have had positive and negative experiences with both. I’ve seen how amazing the community can be, and also the stressful things that can arise. The more my chapter(s) have become separated by gender, the more disconnected I’ve felt from BBYO, and my community as a whole. 

I have not been shy in bringing up the issue of gender and inclusivity, and have tried to be vocal about what I think would be best for the chapter. The unwarranted insistence on separating the chapters by gender has made me feel like I have less of a place in BBYO.

The gendered nature of BBYO has only made it more difficult for me to connect with my Jewish identity and to find a Jewish community where I feel like I belong. When I originally joined, the group was more focused on having fun and felt much more welcoming. My experience is just with one specific community’s BBYO, but I know I’m not alone. BBYO is a global organization, and could do a lot more to be inclusive and welcoming to Jewish teens of all genders, not just in my chapter, but across the entire organization. 

I understand that some people may prefer the split chapters, but why make that the only option? There are hundreds of AZA and BBG chapters across the world. I think that many people would appreciate and benefit from having BBYO chapters open to all Jewish teens of all genders.

Right now, my BBG chapter and the AZA chapter occasionally hold joint meetings, which are often based around bigger events like a joint fall kickoff or Hanukkah party. I encourage groups to try out those joint meetings, especially in bigger cities with multiple chapters. See how it goes to have more connections between chapters and move forward from there. Maybe people will be inspired to start gender inclusive BBYO chapters of their own.

For BBYO chapters in smaller towns with smaller Jewish communities, an inclusive BBYO chapter can be a great way to connect teens, especially if you’re not sure about having the numbers for two separate groups.

Additionally, it’s important not to dismiss the perspectives of members. When people speak up, listen to them, learn from them, and be open to working with them. I have so many amazing memories from my time in BBYO, including when I was on the board and was able to help plan events like our annual pumpkin patch meeting. 

Access to Jewish community is so important, and while BBYO has been really valuable, I also know that there are ways that it could have been better. We all must work to ensure that the communities we build are inclusive to all. Jewish teens deserve to have a place to connect with other young Jews, and we can all do better by making those spaces accessible.