Judaism is a mosaic. Religious identity is layered, and, in my experience, Jewish women are uniquely positioned to take intersectionality to a new level. Jewish communities are endlessly diverse in tradition, offering avenues for any and all practices to come together in their midst.  

Attending the August retreat for the Rising Voices Fellowship, a group of Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, and nondenominational Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews sat across from one another and wrote a list of guidelines for celebrating a pluralistic Shabbat. One girl suggested leaving the lights off, but someone else then explained how they could not turn them on during Shabbat. It was agreed to leave lights on so that no one would have to worry about breaking tradition to find the bathroom at night.  

This is the beauty of Judaism: when one connects with others from different denominations, merging can be amazing. We fellows created wonderful experiences with each other, from forming friendships to discussing identity to writing pieces to sharing meals. In our original application to the program, we certified in writing our willingness to engage in a pluralistic space. Our very presence was affirmation of our dedication to connect with Jews different from ourselves.  

Such agreements are common, although they are not always a signed document like we made at the beginning of our fellowship. Similar promises are created through social contracts, which often exist in religious spaces. And through worship, you enter a contract with yourself. For countless people, claiming the privilege of worship is earned through meditation, kindness, generosity, and education.  

Religious intolerance stems from rejecting these social contracts and abandoning the promise of basic respect. Truly destructive antisemites I encounter in my daily life do not consciously realize that they’re extorting others. A narcissistic faux sympathy divides the “us” from the “them” in their minds. The predominant narrative of white, male, Christian superiority in America has created religious norms instead of encouraging basic respect for people of all faiths.  

To demonstrate: I once had a discussion with a man who said his efforts to deny gender-queer people rights was his way of respecting each person’s capability of earning entrance into heaven. He claimed that granting “those people” autonomy would ultimately do them a religious disservice. 

This man represents a large demographic who would rather be correct than good. To proponents of religious norms, an uncertain (and yet to them, impending) “I-told-you-so” in death is worth more than true morality in life. Those who declare a belief in something contrary to the religious moralists challenge these small-minded people’s sense of self-importance. If people who value Christian religious norms see that a person is intelligent and engages in practices different than theirs, they are forced to consider that their line of thinking is wrong. Therefore, to preserve their own psyche, they define all but those who disagree with them as unintelligent and wrong.  

Whether one agrees with another’s beliefs or not, each person should respect others’ contracts with themselves to fulfill themselves. Though we all may not worship together, we must understand that everyone pursues morality through the path of their choice and honors the value of universal humanity.  

Respect does not mean begrudging coexistence or patronizing attempts to force change on those different from you. Respect means living with an understanding of others’ goodness. A deceptively complicated idea, it boils down to giving others the benefit of the doubt. By acting based on a belief that a person lives with as little malice as they can, and understanding that each person’s standards, capabilities, and backgrounds are different, we accept people’s humanity.